3 Do's and 3 Do Not's When Talking with Someone New

This month, we’ll be talking about communication and today is all about getting the conversation started. Meeting new people is a real challenge but we’re going to give you some tips that can help to make it a little bit easier for you.

Tip number 1: DON’T Slouch!

Slouching communicates that you’re not very interested in the conversation that is taking place. It tells the other person that you’re bored and you really don’t want to be there. By sitting or standing up straight, it communicates that you intend to be there, your are confident and you want to be with them. You’re ready to engage in the conversation!

Tip Number 2: DO Skip the small talk

“Crazy weather we’re having” and “Did you catch the game?” just don’t land like they used to, if they ever landed at all. One issue with these lead ins is that they really aren’t taking you anywhere. You don’t have to get super deep right off the bat, but try to get a little more creative with your opener. If you are introduced through a friend, ask how they met or where they know each other from. If you’re meeting them in a workplace setting, don’t just ask “what” they do, but go deeper to the “why” they chose to do it.

Tip Number 3: DON’T have your phone out while they are talking

No one wants to compete for attention with someone else. It’s even worse when your competition is Candy Crush, Poke’mon Go or aimlessly scrolling through a newsfeed. This clearly communicates that you are not interested in what they have to say and will push anyone with a healthy amount of self respect far away form you.

Tip Number 4: DO Ask open-ended questions

If you ask a “yes” or “no” question, don’t be surprised when you get a “yes” or “no” response and it ends at that. People are wired to think and feel and relationships are designed to stimulate thought and emotion. Asking questions that cause a person to stop and think for a response will be far more interesting than ones that can be answered with a one word response. The awesome side effect is that when your questions are more interesting, you appear more interesting as well. The problem was never that you were an uninteresting person, you may have just not known how to show that to new people.

Tip Number 5: DO NOT stop listening

Have you ever started talking to someone and they say something that gets your imagination going off in a totally different direction? Then, you’re snapped back to reality when they ask you what you thought about what they were saying and you realize that you haven’t been paying attention for the last 5 minutes! It’s not enough to ask the right questions if you’re unwilling to pay attention long enough to listen to their responses. With so many distractions, it can be easy to let our minds wander and eventually, it’s going to happen to the best of us. In those moments, let them know what you were thinking, where you got off track and sincerely apologize. Chances are, they have been there too and you might not have lost your opportunity if you’re honest.

Tip Number 6: DO make regular eye contact

One of the best ways to show someone that you are truly listening is by giving consistent eye contact. Your head is turned towards them, you’re looking at them, you’re focused. This shows them that you are genuinely interested. As far as the rest of your body language, lean in, don’t cross you arms and nod at the right times without trying to cut off what they are saying.

These are just a few helpful tips to keep in mind when you want to start a conversation with someone new! Try them out and let us know how it went in the comments or if you have other tips, you can share those below as well. Next week, we’ll be talking about the power of yes and no so be sure to join us then! We’ll see you next week!