Commitment

All month long, we have been asking the question, “Do you give love a bad name?” We’ve taken a hard look at some of the different ways that many of us think about love and shown how they really don’t stack up next to the real thing. Today, we’re going to focus on the other side and finish off this month's series by looking at one key component of love: Commitment.

Journey, one of the most recognizable American rock bands from the 70’s and 80’s, released what is widely considered to be one of the greatest love songs of all time, “Faithfully,” back in April of 1983. Fun fact, my grandma was actually a truck driver back then and was at one time a roadie for Journey! Anyways, “Faithfully” was written by Jonathan Cain as a love song not just from himself or the band, but the entire crew who would leave their loved ones for months at a time while they were out on tour. One of the reasons the song has resonated with so many people from all different walks of life over the decades is because of how simply it captures the power of loving another person and staying true to them no matter how far apart you may be. Plus, Neal Schon’s guitars and Steve Perry’s voice are phenomenal!

Today, commitment has almost become a dirty word in relationships. Many people would rather not put a label on it, keep their options open or play the field than limit themselves to one relationship with this one person. Often times, the apprehension to make a commitment to someone is rooted in fear; fear of missing out, fear of failure, fear of being hurt. Commitment is inherently a risky endeavor and a lot of us can struggle with taking on that risk. The fear of missing out comes back to the idea of “What if someone better comes a little further down the line.” This happens in relationships that are rooted in selfishness. What we’re really saying is that, at the end of the day, I'm only interested in being with someone who gives me what I want; if someone else might give me a better offer then why would I want to be stuck with you? This is why, before you consider starting a romantic relationship with anyone, examine your own motivations. If you’re starting from a place of self-gratification, you are really just using the other person. In these relationships, when you tell them that you love them, it’s a lie. Love doesn’t grow from a selfish root. You may have a lot of feelings and emotions that make you feel really great when you’re around them, but that doesn’t mean you love them. Love is selfless. Love gives of itself for the betterment of the other person.

The fear of failure holds a lot of people back from being willing to make a commitment, as well. The sad truth is, many of us have grown in in broken homes with dysfunctional families and loving, healthy, and supportive relationships seem more like a fairy tale that’s too good to be true. Many of us have also experienced our share of break ups and heartache in the past that we might have caused and now the fear of repeating our mistakes is enough to keep us sidelined. The fear of hurt is one that often goes hand-in-hand here, as well. When we were the one who was left, putting our hearts on the line feels like we’re just asking to be hurt all over again. Like we said before, commitment is a risk, but living a life alone is guaranteed to hurt. So many of us have built up walls in order to protect ourselves from feeling hurt and rejection. We keep people at arms length but we still desire intimacy so we substitute physical and sexual intimacy for emotional depth. This behavior leads to a pattern of unhealthy relationship after unhealthy relationship, leaving us empty, broken and alone. Now, what I'm not saying is that committing to somebody early and throwing yourself out there is the antidote for broken relationships. Commitment when established on a foundation of love, respect and trust, can reaffirm your relationship and strengthen your connection to each other.