Defining The Dividing Lines

As our nation drives towards another opportunity to select our leadership, (if you want to know why I worded it that way, go back and watch last week's video) we are seeing, in the media at least, a country more divided than ever, but does it have to be? Today, we’ll be giving you some practical tools to help keep your relationships from imploding and help you find out when it is the right time to walk away altogether.

Our first tool to keep the lines of communication open is to listen. James 1:19 and 20 tell us to “let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” Now, it’s important to point out that it doesn’t say that we can never become angry, but we should be slow tempered. In fact, Eph. 4:26 and 27 say, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” So, becoming angry in and of itself is not the issue, but our anger, when unbridled and quickly kindled, can be turned against us and give the devil an opportunity to attack. So, how do we avoid letting our tempers win and leave an open door for the enemy? It starts by listening.

When you find yourself in a conversation with someone who holds a different opinion and viewpoint than your own, it can be easy to either assume you already know what they are going to say and why, or you can listen to just enough to begin to formulate your response in your mind without really hearing them out. Both of these approaches are an exercise in futility. When we assume where the other person is going, we automatically take the subconscious position that we are smarter than the other person and have nothing to learn from them. Now, you could be right, but has anyone ever changed your mind by making you feel stupid? Probably not. When we assume the motives of the other person, we actually begin to dehumanize them. We start at the end of the argument in two vastly different positions and both of us think that we are correct. Rather than hearing out how and why they came to their conclusion, we see their end as wrong and, in some cases, evil. To come to an evil end, we assume they must have started with evil intentions to begin with. If we can clearly see that they are wrong and evil, they must also see that and be willfully choosing this evil path. What kind of a person would obviously choose to do something so wrong? They must be some kind of monster! This whole process is happening in our minds, extremely fast and without actually allowing the other person to explain their position. In doing so, we have already sabotaged any hope of not only converting them to our position but, in many cases, holding onto the relationship. Afterall, why would they want to remain friends with someone who always assumes the worst of them and why would you want to stay friends with an evil monster?

So, we should be quick to hear, but also, we need to be slow to speak. The old saying goes, “God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we would listen twice as often as we speak.” That’s a good motto to live by, but when someone is really pushing out buttons, it can be a real challenge. When we care about something and it is really important to us, we can allow our emotions to override our logic, and our mouth just starts moving.

In James chapter 3, he writes, “How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. 7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.11 Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.” Rather than spouting off with everything that comes to our mind the moment it gets there, we need to learn the discipline of controlling our tongues and making our words count.

Jerrod – There are times, however, when separation and removal is necessary and when anger is very appropriate. Like Allie just said, however, it’s about making our words count. If you are the type of person with a short fuse and volatile temper, you will find yourself feeling like you need to get more explosive with your anger in order to get the outcome you are looking for. If you get mad about everything, your anger doesn’t mean much to the people who have gotten used to it. There is a proper time to utilize anger; sometimes certain things need to be torn down entirely before the right things can be established and Jesus is the perfect example of this. When I mention the fact that Jesus got angry, the scene that immediately comes to most of our minds is going to be the image of Him flipping over the tables of the moneychangers and chasing them out of the temple with a whip. Why? Because Jesus was not known for getting angry and having outbursts. Throughout the Gospels, we almost always are seeing Jesus exuding patience, grace, humility, longsuffering, forbearance, forgiveness and constant love for everyone around Him, even when He was being crucified. That’s what makes this scene so memorable. It almost feels like Jesus breaks character for a moment, blows up, and then goes right back to meek and mild on the very next page. But, the Bible tells us why this specific issue was so important. In John 2:17, it tells us, “His disciples remembered that it was written, ‘Zeal for Your house will consume me.’”

As followers of Christ, we should be concerned with the things that God is concerned with, patient with the things that He is patient with, zealous about what He is zealous for and angry about what makes Him angry. We should have a fiery response when sin, abuse, wickedness and debauchery infiltrate the Church, especially when it is ushered in by those who have been entrusted to lead it. In Luke 17, Jesus also said that that it would be better that a millstone be tied around a person's neck and they be thrown into the sea than to cause a little one to stumble. Abuse, whether it be physical, mental, emotional or even abuses of authority, do not sit well with Christ. We also know that Jesus had a special appreciation for children by the way that He rebuked His disciples when they were turning the children away when they came to be blessed by Him. In our modern culture, we see children as a burden, as a hinderance to our plans, even as the negative and unwanted consequences of our own good times and we think little of it to dispose of them when they are unplanned and unwanted. What do you think Jesus would say to us?