Discipline

To cap off 2023, all through the month of December we’ve been giving you our relationship resolutions that, if applied, could dramatically improve your relationships and your life in 2024. We’ve talked about where you’re investing your time and your treasure, learning to be vulnerable and opening up with accountability, learning to say no and what to do when someone crosses the line by setting healthy boundaries and today we are going to tackle the concept of discipline. Find out how this one principle can help you end next year in a completely different place than where you start and some practical places that you can begin applying discipline right now!

Discipline. This word typically does not inspire joy and warm feelings in our hearts. In fact, most of the time, when we hear discipline, we immediately start thinking about getting into trouble when we were younger, having to endure some painful thing that we hate or forcing ourselves to say no to something we really, really want.

Doing something you hate but doing it like you love it. Easy to say, but rare to actually be able to do it consistently in our own lives. The reason it is so challenging is because this approach to discipline requires us to pretend, to lie to ourselves in order to do what we don’t want to do. Now, you could be fooled into believing a lie that someone else tells you, but lying like this to yourself is not a long-term strategy to success because you’ll always be fighting with yourself internally, knowing you hate this thing but pretending like you enjoy it. The good news is, Mike Tyson is a far better boxer than he is a motivator or a therapist and the key to discipline is not actually just fake it til you make it or pretend like you like it, and I think once we explain it, even he would agree.

Think about it this way; there are things we do multiple times every single day that we would rather not do, but we don’t think of all of these things as disciplines. Things like cooking your meals, filling up your gas tank, even pressing the button on your remote control to change the channel of the T.V. As minimal as any of these tasks are, they still require even the smallest amount of effort and some combination of mental and physical exertion. We don’t often think of these types of things as disciplines because, from the time that we were young, we learned that by performing these small tasks, we were able to enjoy the benefits on the other side. Cooking is a great example. I’m not saying you have to be a gourmet chef, but even cooking something as simple as a grilled cheese sandwich requires a small amount of time, energy and focus. Sure, you could turn up the heat and cook it faster, but you’ll run the risk of burning the sandwich. To keep it from burning, you’ll have to be more attentive and keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn’t burn. On the other hand, you could use lower heat, which would require less committed focus, but it would take longer to cook. These tiny, micro-decisions barely even register in our minds, though, because we are so much more greatly driven by our end goal – getting to eat the grilled cheese sandwich! When you were first learning to cook, every step was a burden and it made the whole task much more of a chore. But, through some appropriately applied discipline, you now can make a grilled cheese with little effort and barely any inconvenience. The key to mastering any discipline is not found in doing the work itself, but in loving the result of the work enough to make the sacrifices to get there worth it. If Mike Tyson had not been driven to succeed in the boxing ring, he could have tried to become a boxer, but he never would have made it as far as he did on the sheer grit of training without the greater reward to push him through.

Discipline is really not about the task you don’t want to do, it’s about the results that you do. So, how do we apply this principle to our relationships? If you want to improve a friendship, it could mean intentionally taking time away from recreational activities that you would usually occupy yourself with and, instead, spending that time with them doing things that they enjoy. Sure, you may not particularly like mini-golfing or going to a museum, and if you are thinking to yourself the wholetime you’re doing it, “Well, I just have to get through this and pretend like I like it,” you’re not going to get too far and the person you’re with is probably not going to have a great time. Instead, you could ask them questions while you’re doing it. Find out what it is about this activity that they do enjoy so much. Find out more about their past, their experiences and learn to enjoy them finding joy. Is the end goal of a closer relationship and sharing a unique experience with your friend really valuable to you? If it is, then you won’t find it so difficult doing something you wouldn’t normally do or enjoy because the end result is worth it.

Our relationship with God is the same way. For many of us, our years in school did a great job at making us never want to read or study another book again. When we graduated, we were thrilled to be done with that part of our lives. Now, we hear that in order to grow in our relationship with God, we have to read the Bible and try to do it everyday! If we approach the Word of God like a text book in school, we are going to have a difficult time maintaining consistency in reading it. Even if we tell ourselves it’s good for us even if we don’t like it, it will be like trying to get a five year old to eat broccoli and Brussel sprouts. Instead, before you try reading the Bible, take some time to focus on the One you’re reading about. Take advantage of all of the resources we have available by turning on your favorite worship song that reminds you of who He is and what He has done in your life. Fix your thoughts, intentions and affections on Him and then approach the Bible as a way to get to know the most important person in your life a little bit better. Don’t start by trying to trick yourself into pretending you like it, start with Who you love and let that motivate you to do the things that will get you closer to Him.