Do You Know Your Purpose?

A couple of weeks ago, we gave you the first key to developing a healthy mentality; Knowing who you are and understanding your value. Today, we are finishing our month-long conversation all about you as we dive into the second key: Knowing where you are going. The question of purpose, general to humankind and specific to each of us as individuals, has been asked all throughout history. Do we as a species really have a specific purpose? Do I? Today’s video is going to be a little bit different as we are not just going to be giving you the answer, but more specifically giving you the tools, an ontological and philosophical path to help you find firm ground to stand on as we answer this question together.

Over the years, in the many high school and college classrooms I have had the opportunity to speak in, I have shared these 2 keys to developing a healthy mentality; 1 – You need to know who you are and 2 – you need to know where you are going. Number 1 has to do with understanding your value, your intrinsic worth as a unique human being. There has never been anyone like you before and there will never be anyone like you again. This rarity makes you immeasurably valuable and irreplaceable in the world. Number 2 is about what you are meant to do with that value, how you invest yourself in this world. You have a plan, a purpose and a destiny for your life, so what is it? Why are you here?

Of course, this question is founded on the assumption that we do actually have a purpose, a reason for being. This assumption is not one that is accepted by everyone, but what is the alternative. If we, as individuals, really have no purpose then our value is not real because at that point nothing really matters. Many philosophers and thinkers over the ages have wrestled with the idea of individual purpose. One writer living over 2500 years ago described the people of his time as ones who walked around in revelry saying, “eat, drink, be merry for tomorrow we die.” The basic thought is, nothing matters anyways, so do whatever you want to do. Fast forward to and that philosophy was still being sung in clubs all over the world when Drake released “The Motto” in 2012 saying YOLO; you only live once. Even with thousands of years in between, people still carry the same mentality; do whatever you want, don’t worry about the consequences because tomorrow we die anyways. The sad truth is that if you were to actually live out that philosophy, you get exactly what you expect. A life lived without concern for the consequences is still the surest and fastest path to self-destruction. For this reason, we have to take the position, that our lives do matter because, deep down, we know that it does. If life does matter, then we know that it has to have a purpose, which brings us back to the initial question; what is it?

Many times the answers start generic. “I’m here to live life.” All that is saying is “I exist to exist.” that is circular reasoning and not helpful. Then, there’s the obvious, “I’m here because had sex and made me.” That is definitely a how, but that doesn’t answer the why. Why are you here? Eventually, we start to get into the more purposeful responses; “My purpose is to do better/go further than my parents did.” “My purpose is to build a successful career and make a lot of money.” These concepts begin to move us into a more productive direction, but they are still very lacking. If my purpose is truly to become successful, however I might personally define that, then that means that I should be doing anything and everything in my power to achieve that success. Your purpose produces and “Ought,” meaning that if it is truly your purposes it comes with the reality that you should be living it, or at least trying to. Purpose, therefore, defines moral imperative. It now becomes necessarily right to do all to pursue that purpose and wrong not to. Whatever we actually believe our purpose to be will subjectively justify whatever we do out of it. Because of this, whatever we believe our purpose to be will be revealed in the choices we make.

There was a lot going on there, but here’s how that all plays out. If I believe my purpose is to be successful, then I will actually do whatever it takes to become successful. The moral imperative comes into play when I become willing to do things that I know to be wrong or harmful to ourselves or others in order to achieve that success. This may seem like a logical leap, but literally every criminal behind bars found themselves there because they followed this logical process. To achieve success in business, to make money, to become famous, to seize power, people have proven time and again to be willing to commit real atrocities in pursuit of what they believed their purpose in that moment to be. Those of us on this side are left to concede that purpose doesn’t exist, is subjective or relative and therefore cannot truly apply any meaningful judgement against such actions or we have to recognize that there are legitimate lines that apply to all of us, an objective morality that supersedes our own subjective standards. This means that our purpose then has to be outside of ourselves as well.

So, if we know that selfish pursuit of subjectively defined success is truly wrong and this is because at its core it defies our true purpose, then the reverse must also be true; “whatever is truly right must be in line with my actual purpose.” So, if selfishness is inherently wrong, does that mean that loving and caring for others is always right and therefore my true purpose? Is it ever wrong to love and care for others? For the purposes of clarity and time, let’s define love and care to be giving someone what they truly need to the best of your ability. It may seem loving to give people whatever they want, but those things could very often prove harmful to themselves and others so the most loving thing would not always be to give them what they want. Similarly, if you are not able to give what is truly needed but give something lesser out of a potentially good place, again it could potentially cause more harm even though that was not your intent. So, the most loving thing we can do is to give others what they TRULY need to the best of our abilities.

So, how far does that extend? To love our friends and family in this way seems obvious. Is it ever wrong to give friends and family what they truly need to the best of our ability? Of course not. What about to an acquaintance? A stranger? What about showing this kind of love to someone who is unloving towards you? What about a person who hates you? What about a person who intends to harm you? Now, again, the most loving thing is not just giving them whatever they want but what they truly need. Maybe what they need is for you to be far removed from them so they cannot act on their harmful desires. Probably what they need is something that you cannot offer them at all, but if you found something in your power that would be able to give them what they truly need, would it ever be wrong to do so? No. So, your purpose, as a general person and as an individual is to love others by giving them what they truly need to the best of your ability and taking that purpose as far as you possibly can out into the world.

Now, obviously the concept of true purpose and objective morality bring up many other important and foundational questions about who we are and where we come from, but those will have to be put on hold for another time. There was a lot to digest in today’s video and I’m sure there will be plenty of pushback and counter thoughts as there always are in class. If you have something you would like to add, please leave your questions and critiques in the comments section below and consider joining us for our live podcast where we will be continuing this conversation this coming Thursday night at 6pm central time! Next month we’ll be launching a new series about Dating and courtship, so join us back for that and remember that you can find all of our healthy relationship content in one convenient place on our videos page!