God's Design for Marriage

All month long, we’ve been discussing how our relationship with God impacts our relationships with everyone else. Today, we are wrapping up the series by looking at God’s view of marriage. The Bible seems to have a lot of antiquated ideas like not having sex outside of marriage (which we discussed last week), wives submitting to their husbands and even who is allowed to get married. On the other hand, many modern theologians have taken a more progressive view on the Biblical definition of marriage while still others say that they are outdated and need to be left in the past. Today, we’re jumping right into the controversy as we see what the Bible really says about marriage.

In Mark 10:6-9, Jesus gives us God’s intent for marriage,

But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Calling back to the very creation of humanity, Jesus describes marriage as being the union of one man and one woman for life. Marriage was instituted by God and, therefore, defined by Him as well. Already, you can probably see how this biblical definition is not exactly in-step with the current climate of our culture. In the United States, marriage has been reimagined to mean the legal union of two people who love one another. Now, even the number of people involved is up for debate as “throuples,” polygamous and polyamorous romantic partners argue that their relationships should have all of the same standing as what is now referred to as “traditional” marriages.

As Christians, however, our standards cannot be swayed by the changing ideas of culture, but should be grounded and rooted in the truth of God revealed through scripture. While it is certainly not popular, God’s definition, reiterated by Jesus, Himself, has always been one man and one woman for life. The question now is, why is this God’s design? In Ephesians 5, the apostle Paul shines some light on the roles of men and women within marriage and takes us even deeper into the cultural minefield. Starting in verse 22, it reads,

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Wives, submit. Take that feminism! Just kidding. This is where a lot of people stop reading because they get upset, but in order to understand we need to continue on:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

So, yes, women are called to submit to their husbands and the husband is called the “head” of his wife. But, as the head, the husband is called to love his wife in the same way that Christ loved Church. This isn’t just a passing phrase, but one loaded with meaning and weight. The men are meant to lead like Christ led, loving through sacrifice. Jesus literally died for the Church, so that we could be free from sin and brought into the family of God. Husbands are called to die to themselves for the betterment of their wives and families. This is not a domineering type of headship, but one that is accountable to God and will answer to Him, and held against the clear standard of Jesus Christ. Now, Christian ladies, many of us will gladly submit our lives to Christ, going places we would never otherwise go, doing things we would never otherwise do, because of our deep love and devotion to HIm. We can do that because we have understood just a fraction of how He loves us and so we are able to trust Him. Our husbands are meant to be living reflections of Christ to us in our marriages. If our husbands are living out their role, leading like Christ led, I imagine we wouldn’t have nearly as many issues with the concept of submitting to that type of self-sacrificing, loving leadership.

Guys, that means there is a great responsibility that comes with marriage. We can’t approach this relationship selfishly or apathetically. We don’t have the luxury of complaining when we don’t get our way, in fact, we should be so accustomed to it by living out this Christlike picture of love, that we stop noticing it. Love keeps no record of wrong. Love does not seek its own way. When we feel the weight and the cost of these sacrifices, this should be a reminder of the exceedingly greater sacrifice that Christ made on our behalf, for the joy set before Him, enduring the cross. I doubt any of us are at the point of literal crucifixion in our marriages, but even if we were, it is not comparable because we would actually be getting what we deserve. Jesus took the weight of our sins and imputed to us His righteousness. The least I can do is try to love my wife in a similar way. Now, we know that most marriages don’t look like this. Even a lot of Christian marriages are falling far short of this Biblical example, but what if we all started taking the Bible a lot more seriously? Can you imagine what it would look like if the world around us was able to see the people who claim to follow Christ, actually living lives that somewhat resembled His. Clearly this is not something we could do on our own and we absolutely would need the power of the Holy Spirit to do it, but that might just be exactly what the world around us needs to see to know that He is real!