Superficial Masculinity

We are in week 2 of our October series, The Problem With Men. Last week we covered how an epidemic of fatherlessness has caused generations of boys to grow up without healthy men in the home to teach them how to become men. This week, we’re going to see what many of them have substituted for it instead as we take a look at superficial masculinity.

In the absence of fathers, it’s not like boys just didn’t have anyone to look up to. No. Without realizing what we were doing, many boys in my generation found our role models, alright. They were strong, courageous, never gave up and we always knew where and when we could find them!

We did what boys have done for millennia. We became disciples of the heroes of fiction and fantasy. Whether it was Hulk Hogan telling us to train, say our prayers and eat our vitamins, G.I. Joe sharing his wisdom because “knowing is half the battle,” or Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire slugging it out for the home run record and showing all of us just how far we could go if we worked hard enough. Life, however, was about to teach us all a lesson. G.I. Joe got cancelled, and we all found out what professional wrestlers and professional baseball players have in common *cough* steroids *cough*. These men, these characters, are examples of the heroes we looked up to. Idols that lost their luster or came crashing down before our eyes. Well, we’re all grown up now. Is our generation succeeding where our heroes failed? Not really. Today, masculinity doesn’t take on the bloated physique of a roided out man-monster, but it all too frequently is defined by it’s slimmed down muscle definition and zero percent body fat. Other men have opted for the urban lumberjack look with beards, boots, flannel and getting really good at throwing axes, not so much at using them for their intended purpose. While still, others of us get really lost in our hobbies and interests. From the comic book nerds, to the fantasy nerds, to the computer nerds to the snobby dudes at the bar who only drink craft brews and locally sourced IPA’s. And, to be honest, I don’t even know what an IPA is. The point is, we are following right in line with our outdated heroes, it’s just that we’ve traded in one version of superficial masculinity for another.

In our culture today, masculinity has become more of a costume than a character trait. It’s something you “put on” but not necessarily something that you are. The problem is, true masculinity is not defined by all of these things that can be put on and taken off, but instead in is an identity that boys are created to inherit and embody. If you are a male, then you have a masculine identity – it's just that you might not know what that means, what it should look like or how to bring it out, and so you’ll look for others who seem more confident in their masculinity and try to model yourself after them. This is what makes room for the Andrew Tate and other “alpha-male” influencers to come in and show you what your life could be like if you became a “real man,” like them. And, apparently, this issue is widespread enough that these people can become millionaires by fleecing, manipulating, and lying all the way to your wallet. If men today were secure in their masculinity, they wouldn’t be so easily led astray by these charlatans, but even after being exposed as pimps and frauds, they still have an audience.

So, where can we look to see a picture of true masculinity? How does a boy, no matter how old he is, begin the process of putting childish things behind him and become a man? Well, a boy does not mature into manhood on his own. He needs fathers and elders to give him a picture of what to aspire towards and teach him the roads to walk on. He needs brothers to have fun with, to train with, to go to war with and to build kingdoms with. He needs love – a beauty to be captured by and to drive him to become more than what he is. In short, he needs relationship. Unfortunately, that is one of the biggest things that men today are lacking. Join us back here next week as we tackle what has been called men’s loneliness epidemic and share how you can break the loneliness cycle.