The Fatherless Generations

“We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst.” - C. S. Lewis – The Abolition of Man

In the past few years and even decades, we have seen a dramatic shift in the way that men are perceived in the world and in the way that many of us see ourselves. In the public eye, we have seen countless prominent men – politicians, celebrities, influencers, even pastors and apologists – exposed as liars, manipulators, sexual predators and more. Personally, I have seen far too many men that I have known fall prey to deception, abandoning their families and betraying the trusts of those they have been entrusted to care for. We have seen measurable generational increases in depression, anxiety, loneliness and suicidality. Why is this happening? What is the cause? How do we change the trajectory? How have we created these men without chests and what can we do about it? Those answers and more are what we’re discussing this month and stay with us to the end of the video for some exciting WholeHeartEd news!

Kicking off our month on the question of the Problem With Men, we are going to start with one of the biggest issues facing thousands of men today. Why does it seem like so many men and boys are lost? Why are so many wrestling with questions of identity, purpose, and self-worth? If you think about it, these questions are really the same questions that all of us wrestle with at different points throughout our lives. For the Christian, we know that our identity, purpose and value all come as an outflow of the identity purpose and value of Christ. As believers, our identity is in Him - Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Cor. 5:17) - Jesus is also the one who makes clear our purpose in the world – the great commission; preaching the gospel, baptizing and making disciples. Loving God. Loving our neighbor as ourselves. - These are the things that we were created to accomplish through Him. Even our value, our worth and dignity, are rooted not in what we do – even our good works are like filthy rags compared to Him – but they are directly due to the fact that we were created in the image of God. As humanity and as individuals we have immeasurable intrinsic worth not based off of our own merit, but based off of the fact that we are reflecting the infinite worth of the One who made us. All of this is good and true, but even many Christians today are still struggling with these same questions and a big part of the reason why is because they don’t know these truths to begin with.

The prosperity gospel, self-help christianity and all of the other watered down, partial gospels that are so popular today are really good at getting people excited and making them “feel” something when they’re in the walls of the megachurch buildings, but it is the whole gospel that is needed and people just aren’t hearing it. The apostle Paul wrote about some of this in the book of Romans, chapter 10.

For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!”

We’re wrestling with these questions that the Gospel has answered because we aren’t starting with the full Gospel, and we aren’t starting with the full Gospel because many of us have never heard it to begin with. The same thing holds true for our identity, purpose and value as men – we don’t know it because we’ve never heard or seen it for ourselves. This is happening because so many men and boys today have grown up or are being raised into the fatherless epidemic. I could cite numerous studies and articles that have be documented and written, but at this point it is common knowledge that many families are struggling due to absent fathers – whether that’s by abandonment, divorce, or even overworking or being emotionally unavailable. Many sociologists and psychologists trace this phenomenon back to the boomer generation, whose fathers were the ones to go off to the World Wars as young men barely out of boyhood and return with visible wounds and invisible scars that would be passed down to their children and their children’s children.

39% of students in the United States, from the first grade to their senior year of high school, do not have a father at home. Children without a father are 4 times more likely to be living in poverty than children with a father. (National Public Radio)

57% of the fatherless homes in the United States involved African-American/Black households. Hispanic households have a 31% fatherless rate, while Caucasian/White households have a 20% fatherless rate. (National Public Radio)

85% of all children which exhibit some type of a behavioral disorder come from a fatherless home. (U.S. Department of Justice)

85% of youth who are currently in prison grew up in a fatherless home. (Texas Department of Corrections)

Even when poverty levels are equal, children who come from a two-parent home outperform children who come from a one-parent home. (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)

Children who live in a single-parent home are more than 2 times more likely to commit suicide than children in a two-parent home. (The Lancet)

This is just a sampling of some of the real life consequences that are directly linked to the absence engaged of fathers in the home. From behavior disorders, to poverty, to criminality, to suicide; so many of the biggest social issues we are facing today can be traced back to the lack of a father in the home.

Knowing the cause is not enough. I mean, what are we going to do? Force all of the maladjusted absentee fathers to go back to their families and stick it out? I can’t imagine that would go well for anyone involved. And even if it did, that would help the kids growing up in fatherless homes now, but what about all of us who have grown up with these big spaces in our lives that our fathers were supposed to fill? You see, for me, this is more than just a study or a monthly topic. These studies are talking about my experience, my life. I met my dad one time in a grocery store when I was about 7 years old and I didn’t even know it was him until after he left. I had two violently abusive step-dads when I was growing up and lived in poverty – even to the point of homelessness. I didn’t even graduate High School, in fact, I never attended High School for a day in my life. When I was 15, I started working and by the time I was 16, I had the most stable income in our home. I got my GED when I was 18, Married when I was 21 when I got married and 9 months later we had our first son. My son was sick when he was first born, so the first few weeks of his life were spent in the NICU with all sorts of monitors and needles stuck in him, and here I was – the fatherless now a father and in way over my head – but not one time has the thought of running away ever crossed my mind. You see, even though I am exactly the guy that all of those statistics should be talking about, I had one very important difference. Even though I never knew my dad, I have never been fatherless a day in my life. When I was just a small boy, I learned about God and I was told that He was my heavenly Father. Don’t get me wrong, I have wrestled with the questions. I struggled with identity, purpose and self-worth to varying degrees throughout my life. Even now, as an adult, just when I think that I have dealt with all of the residual issues that my upbringing has left me with, I turn the corner and find that the wounds still run a little bit deeper, but the one constant that has remained the anchor of hope, trust and given me the strength to persevere through the darkest storms has always been my sonship in Him. This is why I do what I do. This is why I’ve been teaching people how to build healthy relationships for the past 11 years and this is why I forced God into the conversation here online; because I know the truth and I want you to know, as well. I know that there are thousands of you out there that have very similar stories to mine. I know that there are many who have even had it worse. But the reason that my life did not end up as just another statistic in a long line of statistics, the reason why my wife has a faithful husband and my children have a present father who loves them, is not because Jerrod is such a good person, but it is because Jerrod has a good, good Father in Heaven who has raised him and shown him what it means to be a man. I’m still learning guys, but that’s ok because I know that my father is going to be with me every step of the way.

This is just the beginning of our October series on the Problem With Men. Make sure that you do not miss a single video, and to do that all you have to do is like, subscribe, follow, and hit that bell notification icon so that you know as soon as the next one drops. Also, we have some exciting news. We’ve been teasing for a little while that soon we would have more ways that you can get involved and support what we do here with WholeHeartEd and now one of those ways is finally here! We have partnered with Anchor Merchandising and are now proud to announce the launch of WholeHeartEd Wear! Start at AskWholeHeartEd.com and go to our new merch tab. There, you’ll find the first 3 designs that we have available for you to purchase in multiple colors and styles. When you click on the one you want, it will take you to the anchor merchandise site where you can confirm your order and options and they will ship it directly to your door! Each and every sale will in help financially support our continued growth, enabling us to reach more people with the tools they need to build healthy and God-honoring relationships and when you wear it, you’ll have the opportunity to introduce the people in your life to our resources, as well. Make sure to check out the Men Without Chests shirt inspired by this months theme! Remember, next week we’ll be back and continuing the conversation on the problem with men. Thanks for watching and we’ll see you next week!