The Five Love Languages: Words of Affirmation

Welcome back for our second week in the 5 love languages series! This time we’re talking all about Words of Affirmation!

Words carry a lot of weight but, for some, they carry more than others. We’re going to talk about how these people share and receive love with their friends, families and in their romantic relationships as well. We will also talk about how harmful words can be with this group and ways to communicate more effectively if you are or you’re in a relationship with someone who has Words of Affirmation as their primary love language.

Words of affirmation. Does that simply mean saying nice things or does it go deeper?

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, it definitely goes deeper. It’s a way of communicating love primarily through speech and it comes through in all of our verbal interactions when that love is there. Affirmation is encouragement, it’s words of validation, support and recognition. In his book, Dr. Chapman puts it this way:

“Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse's perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement. With verbal encouragement, we are trying to communicate, "I know. I care. I am with you. How can I help?" We are trying to show that we believe in him and in his abilities. We are giving credit and praise.” ― Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

If Words of Affirmation is your primary love language, you may feel loved most when you are complimented, when true feelings are verbalized, when you are spoken well of in front of others and when you receive written notes or messages throughout the day reminding you that you are loved.

If you are in a relationship of any kind with someone whose primary love language is words of affirmation, there are many simple opportunities throughout the day to communicate love in meaningful ways but there are also ample opportunities to hurt without intending to, as well. For many of us, it can be very easy to become upset and the first thing we lose control of is our mouth. It has been said, the tongue is like a fire, one small spark can ignite a whole forest...Who can tame the tongue? Something said in the heat of the moment or even in jest has the potential to devastate a person who primarily expresses and receives love through words of affirmation. If someone in your family, your circle of friends or even a romantic partner is a words of affirmation person, it will be very important to be extra cautious with the words you use, especially when you are upset!

If you would like to learn what your personal love language is, you can take the free online test at 5lovelanguages.com. Once you do, remember to come back here and let us know what your love language is.