What Ladies Need in Relationships

Last week, we talked about the needs that guys have in order to build and maintain healthy relationships and this week it's all about the ladies! Once again, we've looked at numerous articles, various studies and we will be boiling all of that down to share just a few of the consistent needs that women have in relationships.

One thing we will not be doing is building off of tired tropes and oversimplified stereotypes like the "damsel in distress" or the "strong independent woman who don't need no man!" These extremes are really just exaggerations that make it easy to dismiss women and their needs as something that is defined by the role of a male partner in or not in their lives. Women's needs are much more complex and deserve a much more thoughtful approach than these 1-dimensional characterizations offer.

There seem to be a lot of misconceptions about what it is that women truly need. The first need that may be the most obvious is that, as women, we need security.

Needing security doesn't necessarily mean needing some guy to come save us. In fact, entering into romantic relationships while holding onto deep insecurities is just about guaranteed to cause serious problems in that relationship.

Insecurity can creep up in many different ways and in many different areas. Sometimes they stem from past hurts or disappointments, other times they come from a fear of the unknown and all of the "what-if" scenarios that we play out in our minds. On the other hand, security comes from confidence and confidence is developed through time and consistency.

So, if a girl is struggling with insecurity in her relationships, how can she develop confidence in that area without putting herself out there again and again, hoping to find someone who won't take advantage of them? This is an area where many of us go wrong. The reason we can take disappointments and broken relationships so strongly is that these situations aren't actually creating new emotions and beliefs about ourselves but reinforcing ones we already carry.

For instance, "I'm insecure in my relationship because I think my partner may cheat on me. I think my partner might cheat on me because they'll find someone better." The relationship only feels insecure because of that second belief; it's not so much about what my partner has done in the past but about what I truly believe about myself.

"I'm not good enough. I'm not worth their time or love. Eventually, they're going to realize that they can do better, leave me, and then I'll be alone." These are just a few common examples of the types of lies that many of us hold onto inside and they subconsciously affect our relationships. This is why another person or another relationship can never actually fix the problem but they can exacerbate it.

Establishing a real confidence, not a put-on, "fake it til you make it," attitude, is key and should happen before we try to build a romantic relationship with someone else.

The second is another one that seems very intuitive but is hard to flesh out. The good news is that this is one that can actually come from a romantic partner - emotional sensitivity and awareness.

It's not like girls are some crazy riddle that no guy can figure out. It has a lot more to do with the fact that we often approach situations, and especially problems, differently. I think a lot of guys could avoid a good number of the pitfalls in their relationships by doing something very simple - listening.

There are times when we are looking for answers and trying to problem solve and there are times when we are just looking for someone to listen and empathize with us. It's about knowing that we really are in this together and I'm not alone dealing with these situations. Emotional sensitivity and awareness means that you don't just do what I'm doing, but you feel what I'm feeling. We could be doing everything together, but if I am not feeling that emotional connection then, on the inside, we are miles apart.

The last need we need for healthy relationships goes hand in hand with that last one; what we need from our partner is ... a partner! While it is always nice to be pampered and doted in every once in awhile, more than that we need someone that is a true partner in life. Not just someone to do everything for me, but to do everything WITH me! There are so many seasons of life and it is so important to know that our partner is committed to walking through each one of them alongside us!