What to do when Communication Stops

Today, we are going to give you 5 helpful steps you can take when communication breakdowns happen in your relationships. The steps are Identify the why, Own your end, Reevaluate the relationship, Attempt to reestablish connection and finally Allow yourself to be OK with the result. Stick with us to learn how each step works and how you can apply them.

The first step to take when you realize communication has broken down in your relationship is to Identify the Why. Sometimes communication stops because of life changes. Maybe you had a lot of time to hang out and spend time together during the school year, but now that summer is here they’ve picked up a seasonal job or have different trips planned with their family. There’s nothing personal about it, but there just isn’t as much available time for the two of you.

On the other hand, was there a fight or disagreement? Did you possibly say something that offended them or have they offended you? Maybe you were close when you were younger but, as you’ve grown up, your personalities and interests aren’t overlapping as much as they used to. Many of these situations can be resolved and your relationship could continue to grow again, but first you need to know what got you both to where you are now.

Step number 2: Owning your end. If the problem is that your schedules just haven’t been able to work together, how much of that responsibility lies with you. Have you overbooked yourself or are you simply not prioritizing the relationship over new or seemingly more exciting opportunities? If the breakdown is a result of offense or hurt feelings, regardless of who started it, what are the parts you know that you could have handled differently? Swallowing your pride and being the first to reach out with an apology is hard, but it may just be this step that gives the most healing to your relationship and rebuilds the bridge for them to be able to reconnect with you, as well.

Step number 3 is a difficult one because now, in light of what you know from the first 2 steps, you have to decide if the effort of reconnecting is worth it to you. It’s time to reevaluate the relationship. Maybe you have just organically drifted apart and your time together is just not the same as it used to be. This happens. You have to decide if there is enough between you that you can still enjoy and connect over to justify the work that it would take to get you back there. You may both be transitioning into new seasons of life that won’t necessarily include the other as often as it used to. If the break down is the result of an argument or offense, you need to figure out if your relationship is really what was best for both of you. Was this a once in a while occurrence throughout years of solid friendship or are the negative aspects of the relationship your typical M.O.? The reevaluating step is a difficult one because it may cause you to realize some truths that you didn’t want to face. It may also remind you of how much you really do value this relationship, which could help motivate you to make the necessary changes to see it get healthy again.

Step number 4 is putting all the ones before it into action. Now it’s time to attempt to reestablish connection. If you have resolved that this relationship is worth investing in, then it’s time to take the initiative and reach out. It could be as simple as shooting out a simple text with an invitation to hang out on a specific day or maybe even to go out and do something together. Try to make firm plans rather than throwing out the basic, “wanna do something?” Show them that you want to see them and that it is important enough to schedule it ahead of time. If there were hurt feelings involved, try to meet face to face rather than over text, dm’s or a phone call. Remember to own up to your end and use “I” statements when you address how their actions made you feel. Simply starting with “I felt blank when you said...” instead of “You did this” shows that vulnerability which will often be reciprocated. If you have already taken responsibility for your part and use the “I” statements, your chances of having a positive outcome will be much better than coming in defensive and attacking their faults. Remember, this is an attempt to reconnect. Healthy relationships require to people who are willing to make it work. Take responsibility for your part but you can’t force them to do something that they don’t want to do.

Finally, step number 5: Allow yourself to be OK with the result. If you know that you have really done everything within your responsibilities to make the relationship work but time, distance, or the pride of the other person just aren’t allowing that connection to be rebuilt, it is ok to move on. Some of my closest friends growing up are now people who I haven’t seen or talked to in years. Every once in a while, when we do get the opportunity to reconnect, it’s great hearing from them and seeing how their lives have changed. There are a few who we have had the ability to stay connected and continue to have great relationships today but it took work, initiative and implementing a few of these steps multiple times over the years.

Those are our 5 steps to help when communication breaks down. If you have any helpful tips that we didn’t mention, let us know what has helped you in the comments below. We’ll be back next week discussing how and when to have arguments. Disagreements can escalate quickly and, if we’re not careful, can bring a lot of harm to our relationships.