Built to Last: A Foundation of Friendship

#2020 has been a year.

Way back in January, very few of us could have guessed what we were all in store for. Today, many are looking at each new day with a sense of, “Here we go again.”

For a lot of us, 2020 has brought to light one of the areas we often neglect. Time, stress, busyness, fear and more create a seemingly unending list of distractions that all too often causes us to overlook these simple truths:

We need each other.

We need human connection.

As people, we need love.

For this final month of the year, we are going to take it back to the basics and talk about one of the greatest gifts we can share in; our relationships. We are going to show what it looks like to build a healthy relationship from it’s foundation all the way to marriage and beyond. Consider this our gift to you!

So where does it all begin?

In a word; Friendship.

While we can be acquainted with hundreds or even thousands of people, establishing mutual trust and support for others is a very different thing. Aristotle said it like this:

“Wishing to be friend is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit.”

So, how do you make that shift? How do casual acquaintances become life-long friends? According to one study out of the university of Kansas, a big piece of the puzzle is time. How much time?

From the data collected in his research, researcher Jeffrey Hall found that it takes roughly 50 hours together to move from acquaintances to a “casual friend,” 80-100 hours to transition to being a “friend” friend, and more than 200 hours to become “good friends.”

Outside of the aspect of time, it also matters what you’re engaging in together during that time. While we may spend between 1-200 hours in a single month with the same people at work or school, that does not necessarily equate to strong and vibrant friendships. This is evident in the numerous “work friends” that we can establish over our lives that we never engage with outside of the workplace setting. Instead, Hall’s research showed the hours that counted most were the ones spent hanging out, joking around and even playing video games. These types of recreational and, more importantly, voluntary activities were found to be much more productive towards building towards true friendship than time spent on work or schooling.

With the holiday season in full swing, what is often called the happiest time of the year will be quite different this year. While social distancing is going to change the way that many people celebrate this year, it is important to remember that some of our greatest gifts in life are the people we love. Even if it doesn’t look the way it normally does, remember that social distance does not have to mean social isolation. We encourage you to get creative in the ways you remind those you care about how much they mean to you. A video call or a digital Christmas card will mean much more this year and we would love to hear how you are investing your time with those you love! Make sure to leave a comment and let us know what you are doing to stay connected!

Friendship is the foundation for a healthy relationship. This is where it all begins, but the road doesn’t stop here. As we continue to build strong friend relationships, we may start to find one that stands out above the rest that could become something more. If friendship is where it starts, where do we go from here? Find out next week!